MENTAL STRENGTH
Most people are lost or unhappy because they don't know who they are.
When you know who you are the whole of your life makes sense.
If someone, out of the blue, asked you to describe who you are, what would you say?
You might tell them your name, your age, what you do for a living, whether you are married and have kids or grandchildren. Perhaps you would indicate what you like to do outside of work.
That would tell the questioner some interesting details about you and your life, details that, apart from your name, you might share with hundreds or even thousands of other people.
But it doesn’t tell them who you are.
Because I inhabit the world of mindset coaching, I am used to people giving a different type of answer when asked to “describe who you are”. I am used to people saying who they actually are.
As an example, this is the specific answer that I am used to giving when asked who I am:
I believe in generosity of spirit.
I value deep caring and deep understanding.
Gratitude can turn the dark into light.
I love laughter.
That is my personal philosophy, crafted over time so that it describes, as succinctly as possible, who I am. In the mindset coaching world a personal philosophy is common currency. It helps clients, coaches and individuals within teams to understand not only themselves but also who each other are or are aspiring to be.
I find my personal philosophy very useful. I absorb it each morning and it often guides me in my priorities as I go about living each day. It centres me and directs me when emotions are high or when I am caught off guard or when there is ambiguity in the situations I encounter.
Crafting a personal philosophy is often the first step in determining who you are. It is not a silver bullet and it demands consistent focus over time in order to make it count. It is not the only starting point and it is not essential for clients to create one. But it can be a solid base camp for any coaching ascent.
Knowing who you are can have a positive impact on your ability to live a happier, more fulfilling and more meaningful life. It can reduce stress and anxiety in your life by providing a stronger sense of self. Importantly, what other people think of you becomes much less important when you know who you are.
It can be of particular help when times are difficult. Most of us have had moments when we have felt severely stressed and anxious. Maybe something went wrong at work and we were fearful about the consequences. Perhaps we Googled some unusual personal symptoms and believed that we had something seriously wrong with our health. Perhaps we did have something seriously wrong with our health, or the health of a loved one. At those moments when our hearts are pounding and the cortisol is racing through our veins, the world can feel like it has fallen into chaos.
However, at those moments, the biggest challenge you usually face is the chaos within. The world is still the same place; it is your perception of the world that has shifted. When fear threatens to overwhelm you, having a strong sense of who you are and of what really matters can help you to stay clear headed and focused. There may still be fear; but at your core there can be a calmness. There are things you know, and that can be enough for you to be able to deal with whatever the moment brings.
was always much more of a listener than a talker, from when I was very young(even now my wife thinks I listen to other people too much - apart from clients of course). I think I was a quiet extrovert - I loved being around other kids but didn't always say much - although I became chattier as I got older. Other kids gravitated towards me if they were upset or just wanted to talk. Of course I was a kid, I wasn't an angel. But I was quiet and sensitive and I didn't feel like a typical boy.
A compassion developed within me as a child due to being around my lovely, severely disabled younger brother who had serious health challenges. He suffered on a daily basis over many years, something I never got used to. Because I was helpless to stop his suffering I felt a deep sense of frustration. This led to the growth of a longing inside me, a longing to do something, although I didn't know what that thing was. However although life was hard for him, he was often smiling and his innocent joy could light up the room. He has the most beautiful smile.
As a young man I knew I was the lucky one and I was hungry to live my life. I was also conflicted because I felt guilty for being the lucky one. I pushed myself to really live life. Some examples from many: I took the lead in the school play, I became the college union rep, I did a parachute jump, I spent the summer working in the USA with disabled kids. It was nothing earth-shattering. But this was me really pushing myself and sometimes I bit off more than I could chew. On more than one occasion I experienced something akin to a baptism of fire. I was off the leash of childhood and trying to really live.
I decided to be a computer programmer so studied computing at university. I was a programmer for a few years and loved writing code. However I found programming too narrow and lacking in human interaction so I moved into software project management.
I first discovered the power of coaching while working for a FTSE 100 company called Marconi. I was asked to run a highly pressured team of project managers responsible for delivering tens of millions of pounds of products per year. Perhaps grandiosely I aspired to be the team's servant leader. I didn't realise I was coaching but I was: listening; feeding back; giving autonomy; agreeing clear goals; requesting accountability.
After Marconi collapsed when the dot-com bubble burst, I became an IT consultant in the healthcare arena, working with National Health Service(NHS) hospitals and staff. I then moved into business process consultancy, again contracting for the NHS, improving communication and efficiency within and between teams and organisations.
After discovering and learning about coaching I eventually decided to become an accredited coach and started my own coaching practice.
Mental strength is not what most people think.
Say the words "mental strength" and many people might picture someone with gritted teeth and a clenched fist aggressively powering there way through a challenging situation, perhaps on a sports field or when being confronted by a threat or a difficult situation. Yes this could be an accurate image of someone displaying mental strength.
However truly effective mental strength is not usually built on gritted teeth, a clenched fist or aggression. Effective mental strength can involve intensity, but at its centre it should be calm and centred.
Effective and sustainable mental strength should be built on the following elements:
- self-knowledge
- belief in yourself or in something bigger than you
- acceptance of yourself and of what is out of your control
- mental skills around confidence and calmness which could be innate or could be taught
Your level of mental strength is not set in stone. Mental strength can be learned and can be developed.